dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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