I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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