Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
