So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
