the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize