please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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