whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i have two assholes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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