Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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