im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
