She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
