come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
