On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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