i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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