For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
