the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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