I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
