Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
