There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
