just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
