maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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