Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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