Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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