If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
