So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
