Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
