I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
