Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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