I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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