she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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