If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
