You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
