it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
