I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
