Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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