I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
