Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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