We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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