Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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