guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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