Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
