Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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