just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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