never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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