Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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