So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this boner is exhausting
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
