You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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