summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
