The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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