I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
