If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
