dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
