I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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