I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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