my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
