I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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