Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
