Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
