Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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