take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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