i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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