these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
