She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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