My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
