I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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