I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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